Certainly, not all old women become bitter and angry. But let’s get real. You’ve probably known or met more than a few of them.
I was having a discussion with a fortyish doctor friend who specializes in achieving wellness and he commented that so many of his older female patients are bitter and angry and he couldn’t understand why.
He doesn’t understand for three reasons. He’s young, he’s happy and he’s not a woman.
You have to live long enough to understand why so many old women are bitter and angry. I explained that a major reason for bitterness and anger is a feeling of being unfulfilled (usually an unhappy marriage). Being old, perhaps with health issues, intensifies the discontent.
While I was working as a pharmacist I knew many old women who were bitter and angry. I recall one woman in particular who lamented that she spent her life with a man she should not have married. “Then why did you marry him?” I asked. She explained that as a 25 year old woman living at home with a domineering mother, she could not wait to get away. (At that time, most girls lived at home until they married.)
She was so eager to be independent that she married the first guy who showed interest in her. It wasn’t long before she realized she made a mistake. “Then why didn’t you leave?” I asked. She said It would have made her mother furious. So she stuck it out. He died when she was in her early seventies, bitter as a lemon, believing her life had been wasted. I asked if she was looking for another relationship. She was quick to respond, “Who wants one of those sick, farty old guys that’s out there. They are the only ones left and I’d rather do without” she snapped. I could not disagree with her evaluation of the state of most old guys, but I told her there must be someone worthwhile if she just kept looking. She added that if she found a suitable man, all his parts had to be working. “Know what I mean?” she winked. I knew what she meant.
She continued, “But look at me, I’m wrinkled. Not just my face but my body. I have arthritic knees. But the really awful thing is that the person living inside of this old body is still 40. How the hell do you deal with that?” She knew that men, regardless of age, look for youth. The old men are turned off by females whose appearance is a reflection of their own state of decay.
Yes, I understand why so many old women are bitter and angry. But it doesn’t have to be that way. If you are mentally competent and you have the capacity to make choices, you can make the choice to make life better rather than be bitter.
But it takes preparation. Before you are old: If you are in an unhappy relationship and can’t or won’t get out of it, create a life within the confines of the relationship. Get a new job, or go back to school to learn to do what you’ve always wanted to do, preferably something that not only benefits you but is of value to others. You can create a life that will prepare you to feel fulfilled when you are old, whether or not you have someone to share your life. It will help keep you from shriveling up into a bitter, angry old woman.
Smart older women refuse to allow uncontrollable circumstances to shape their existence. They know that the antidote to bitterness and anger is to choose to find a way to be better. They take the lemon life hands them and squeeze every last drop of juice out of it to make the tastiest lemonade ever — sweetened with gratitude for all the good things in life and the realization that happiness does not come from others. It comes from within to the degree that you decide to be happy. Every woman has the capacity to decide not to become an angry and bitter little old lady.
There is no hard and fast rule that says life has to be fair to ANYONE! What you get out of life is dependent on how you choose to perceive it. If you are bitter, old, and fall down and break your hip, nobody is going to really care. The world will rejoice that your departure is near. But, if you try to bring happiness to others even on your darkest days, you might be surprised by random acts of kindness. Food for thought.
I’m bitter because I lacked confidence as a young woman. I’m bitter because everything I do is judged by others. I’m bitter because I put my life on hold to raise a family singlehandedly and pay off a mortgage. I’m bitter because I’m moving house and will have some money in the bank finally. Are my friends happy for me knowing how much I have struggled? No, all I’ve had is criticism but I believe it jealousy and insecurity on their part. I’m bitter because I’m lonely and don’t have the crowd of friends I wish I had. I’m bitter because I’ve lost my looks, am stuck in a dead end job and have just lost faith in people.
I’m also happy because finally I’ll have some money, my sons are doing well, one who last year I was at the end of my tether with. I’m also hoping that along with the house move it will be a fresh start, maybe a new relationship and maybe some exciting new friends. Only I can change things and hey as they say life begins at 50 woo hoo. I haven’t lost me just yet!!
Than that’s why you;re a failure
Women have their lifeblood sucked from them by the parasites that are referred to as their family. After years of denying themselves for the benefit of the people they love they realize all they have done is serve the needs of a group that has only their own personal interests at heart. They come to the realization that the monotonous day to day routine of dishes and laundry and shopping and cooking for decades on end lead to selfish children pursuing their own interests and wondering why the person who bore them and lost herself raising them is such a miserable bitch.
As a mother, I hope my children grow to pursue their own interest instead on mine. I took on motherhood and the day to day routine of “normal” life not because I thought that it would give me a entourage to care for and about me for the rest of my life, but so I could give them life to live.
Could it be that your expectation of your children to fulfill your emotional needs and “return the favor” of raising them is ultimately what has pushed them away from you?
As a mother, I hope my children grow to pursue their own interest instead of mine. I took on motherhood and the day to day routine of “normal” life not because I thought that it would give me a entourage to care for and about me for the rest of my life, but so I could give them life to live.
Could it be that your expectation of your children to fulfill your emotional needs and “return the favor” of raising them is ultimately what has pushed them away from you?
These old crabby women drive their husbands to an early grave!
And with any luck a healthy retirement account and life insurance policy.
Amen
They hit the wall. They are invisible to the men they crave attention from. The wall cannot be reasoned with, it can be bargained with. The wall is the wall.
The men they “crave attention from” are boring old men who fall asleep mid sentence. I am jealous ofhe delusion that men live under.
Effectively the bitterness comes from the fact that aging is much more unfair on women than men . Men are allowed to get old whereas women are punished in society . Men are seen as more handsome and dignified whereas women are treated as crones and their wisdom and beauty of their age is not appreciated . The truth is that woman have every right to be bitternif they choose to be. Society and it’s attitudes to aging women is what needs to change not women
It’s absolutely fair, during the youthful years women are the gate keepers of sex and all things relationship. This to men is nearly at the levels of a super power. Women are born with a super power they can use when they are young and attractive…but nature has a equalizer, the wall.
By the time they are 60 men and women are equally old. Men’s money and ego can buy them delusions but as an old woman who was once a pretty young thing any interest I showed to an old dude was directly related to the size of your bank account not your personal parts and any idea that I actually preferred to be on top was driven by the frightening disfigurement of your face when it sagged over me. Yeah, no one really likes old men or women. Men are simply more susceptible to the delusion. Women know the truth because we created it.
Not at all. Some Men in their 60’s naturally can produce childreen. Even older. Women can’t. Women are the privilege in their 20’s. The wall is the nature equalizer.
I liked reading these posts because it explains why the whole world has gone nutso. Why can’t you at
least try to be happy at any age. You are going to get old, but for women there are so many good choices you can make for yourself that you don’t have to become bitter. Try something new everyday. Whether
its with your clothes, your hair, your routine, your mind, etc. etc. When you’re stuck with the same old
you day in and day out, who wouldn’t become bitter. If the years have taken its toll on you, visit a dr
or a therapist to help put you in a better frame of mind. One thing you don’t want to do is to take words
a bitter person may say to you to heart. Move on. I depend on myself to make me happy. Who else
knows me better than me. Helps to be living with someone who adores you whatever age you become.
Totally agree ,that was a good read.
It made me think !!
Just came home from an angry old visit and trying to work out why all the old women in family turn angry or is it jealousy, wishing they had their time again. Most of them are widows or have no children.
Thanks for your comments
So, true Jan. Happiness, like bitterness, is a mindset – a choice in many ways. Though some mental illnesses and physical ailments can not be controlled, most can make the conscious decision to lead a happy life and a positive attitude.