For Old Guys
Looking For Love — But Can’t Find It
Tough, In-Your-Face Online Dating Advice From
The Woman You Let Get Away
By Barbara Morris
Here’s What’s Inside:
How To Regard This Advice | What Is “Old”? | The Truth | The Hunt Begins | Photos | Profile | Appearance And Cultural Change | The Great Deception | Health | Messaging | Age | Sex | Religious And Political Preferences | Location | Contact |
How to regard this advice . . .
What is perceived as criticism or negativity is hard to take but sometimes, telling it “like it is” is the only way to tell it. Trust me, you will be offended by some parts of this essay and that’s okay. Grow up and take it like a real man, if you know what that means.
Generally, men don’t like to be told what to do and that’s understandable. Women don’t like to be told what to do, either, but sometimes, you have to bite the bullet and pay attention to what you are being told: “for your own good”. You don’t have to accept it or believe it — it’s like listening to your mother or Dr. Phil.
The bottom line is that you want to meet the last and best love of your life. If you haven’t been successful so far, go ahead and take the medicine in this essay. It is written as a result of experience. It’s intended to help so read in that light.
What Is “Old”?
Okay, you are “old” or think you are old or have been led to believe you are old by outdated cultural standards. You retired at 65 or before? That’s the age our culture says is “old”. But what IS “old”? No, it’s not chronological age — meaning, the number of years you have lived. “Old” is a state of mind plus a few other important details you will discover here.
Decline doesn’t necessarily correlate with chronological age. You can be youthful at 85 or old at 65. It depends on how you have lived in your youth, how you think about age now, and the environment in which you live now. You are fortunate if you avoided the traditional retirement culture and instead, live as a mature, independent man instead of an old fart who needs help with anything and everything. If you live in a community surrounded only by people your own age who are in various stages of mental and physical decline, then you will likely decline faster because we tend to adopt attitudes, values, beliefs, and behaviors of those we associate with most often. Institutionalized retirement has been your worst enemy, but of course, you don’t believe that. Why would you believe it?
All during your work life retirement was what you looked forward to. How often did you fantasize and wish you were already there, golfing, cruising, playing tennis, and doing all the other things old people do. Get real: your retirement years are designed to aid and abet decline, and most people fall for it, hook, line and sinker. But look, if you don’t like where you are now, and if you have the ability to change it, what are you going to do about it? First step: get a job even if it’s just being a greeter at Walmart. It’s better than staying home, watching TV all day or peeking out of the window to see who comes and goes in your community.
If you still work even part-time, you are lucky. It keeps you connected to the real world, broadens your thinking and keeps you future-oriented. It helps you remember how to interact with younger, working people. Working or volunteering requires effort and concentration and that helps the brain to stay active and alert and keeps your appearance youthful — valuable attributes many retirees no longer have because the old adage is true: if you don’t use it, you will lose it. Just “staying active” doesn’t do the job. Genetic makeup plays a role in decline but not as much as you may think.
You have to do something that requires effort that is sometimes uncomfortable (like getting out of bed before you want to) and has a valuable purpose. Believe it or not — being a Walmart greeter serves a valuable purpose for you and for Walmart. Who knows — that’s where you may meet the last love of your life.
The bottom line is that the year you were born doesn’t matter unless you believe it does and live as if it does. You are not old unless you think, live and believe you are old.
Everyone regardless of age needs and wants someone to love who loves them back. It’s that simple. But it’s difficult for a man who has forgotten how to properly interact with or be with a new woman. Trust me, this is huge. It’s hard for a man who loses his beloved wife when in his 70s or for a man who has lived a mundane life for more years than he can remember with a woman he took for granted. He forgets how to flirt and be other-oriented. He never thought about what life might be like without his wife or girlfriend until he found himself alone, lonely and wanting sex. It can be challenging for him to get his brain in gear and start thinking about attracting a new, and he hopes, a younger sexy woman. Over the years he did a lot of fantasizing about being with a beautiful sexy woman but when reality hits, fantasy dissipates. He doesn’t know what to do or how to do it.
There are lots of ways an older man can meet a new woman and it should be easy because there are more widows and divorcees than single men. While there are lots of women, if they are younger, educated, and good looking, they are choosy. If a man doesn’t look good or appear to be at or above a woman’s social, educational or financial status, chances with those ladies are slim. No, it’s not elitism; it’s realism. People prefer to be with those who are like them. Not always, but usually.
The Hunt Begins
So, where does a man find the woman of his dreams? Church, social clubs, volunteer gigs, senior centers, friends, Starbucks, work, and bars are usual places to look, but “the” woman can’t be found in those places so men sign up on an online dating site — a place that can be either dangerous for an “innocent” older man or his jackpot of gold at the end of the rainbow, meaning, finding the last love of his life.
I say “innocent older man” in the sense that most people, male or female, may not be aware that scammers abound on dating sites. Scammers are pros who want your money and suck you in before you know what happened. There are several ways to identify a scammer but unfortunately, it may take quite a while until you recognize their slick tricks and techniques so let me give some tips.
A scammer, either male or female, instead of using his own photo often steals a super attractive photo of someone found on the Internet. Grammar and spelling in messages to you is poor and different from the careful wording of his professionally composed profile. That’s the first warning sign that something isn’t right. For example, scammers routinely write, “I will like to meet you.” not “I would like to meet you.” They are still learning proper English grammar.
A scammer will study your profile and use it to tell you what you want to hear. Do you like to ski? The scammer loves to ski. Do you like to travel? The scammer loves to travel and intimates the two of you can have a romantic tryst while traveling. Do you like to walk along the beach in the evening, watch the sunset, and have a glass of wine? That’s what a scammer likes to do, too — in almost the same words as yours, trying to “mirror” your interests and intentions in as many ways as possible. It’s hard to resist someone who expresses thoughts just like you do. It’s finding “instant chemistry” with another human being. Red flag! Whatever your physical appearance, the scammer will constantly tell you how sexy and handsome you are. Typically, a scammer asks for your email or phone number right out of the gate suggesting the two of you can share photos and “converse better” that way.
Be assured you can do all the conversing and photo sharing you want to do right on the dating site. Once a scammer gets your email and phone number you are set up to be hoodwinked beyond your wildest imagination. More than once The Dr. Phil Show has aired a story about a lonely older man who found the “love of his life” (he has never met her and never will) on a dating site who fleeced the man out of his life savings. Problem is, the “woman” is a man who lives in Nigeria. Loneliness can do terrible things to a man’s (or woman’s) judgment.
One more thing about profiles: If a man does not put effort into developing a thoughtful, inviting profile — if he just provides bare essential information, most women will realize he is not worth her time. She knows he’s a dud. Got it?
Success on a dating site comes with knowing some simple facts about how the site works, how to present yourself in an inviting manner and stay safe while trying to attract the last love of your life.
So, let’s start at the beginning.
A first step of critical importance is to post clear and current photos — and I do mean clear and current. Nothing older than three years. If the site makes it possible, put a date on them! Nothing makes a woman angrier than meeting a man for the first time whose photos on the site looked like Don Juan, only to find that Don Juan is a shriveled little old man. Nothing wrong with shriveled little old men, it happens to the best. Unfortunately, some men don’t realize how they have changed since a photo or photos have been taken. It’s just not acceptable to misrepresent who you are. So let’s look at some dos and don’ts about photos.
Get a professional photo! Pay a pro to do it. Wear your Sunday best. If you are serious about finding the right woman, it’s essential. Selfies are great as additional photos but for the main photo, nothing but a photo that presents you in the BEST way will do. I can’t stress how important this is. A woman judges you in the first three seconds of seeing your photo. If you don’t have the “look” she is looking for, you are toast in a nanosecond so make your photo count! Here is a summation of some kinds of photos many old men post and women usually reject:
1. He has a beer belly, wears suspenders, baseball cap, wrinkled shirt, grubby looking jeans, has a Santa Claus beard, isn’t smiling, and he’s plunked in an old easy chair with his cats or dogs. Did I forget to mention he is only 75? He is what he is but there is more than one way to present himself. He doesn’t have to be in an easy chair looking like rigor mortis has set in. A woman looks at that photo and wonders if there is any life left in him. In his mind, he is looking for a hot classy babe but his photos are not likely to attract her — won’t even come close.
2. Or, at 75 he is unusually youthful looking, in great shape and topless. What does that say about who he is and what he is looking for? It says he thinks he’s a sexy guy and is looking for a sexy woman, and that’s perfectly okay! Fitness is wonderful but there is more than one way to flaunt it. A man who is fit can look very sexy in a suit — even more so than with a bare chest.
However, many men consider a suit and tie outdated and old-fashioned but a suit and tie has never lost its power to attract a woman looking for a successful professional or businessman. Like prefers like and not only that, most women want a man who is a step above what she offers. But look –If you are a tee shirt and ratty jeans kind of guy — that’s great. Show yourself that way and that’s the type of women you will attract. (Don’t expect interest from a classy looking woman!) If you want a hippie from the ’60s, tie-dyed anything, some gold chains, and your Harley are your bait. Show yourself in a way that attracts women you want to attract!
3. He doesn’t smile — actually he may look stern or angry. Or his face and eyes are blank and lifeless and depending on his degree of decline, his mouth may be hanging open. (no kidding about that!) Ninety-five percent of men over 75 (and the older they get the more likely it is to happen) post that type of photo. If that’s your photo it tells the ladies you are breathing but not alive. A woman knows your mental and physical condition just by looking at your photo! So post photos that show you are still full of life. A picture is truly worth a thousand words.
A reason for an unsmiling photo may be that teeth are bad or missing. Hot flash — women look for a man with a NICE smile. A broad smile and a sparkle in your eyes mean you still have life left in you. If your teeth are decayed, missing or if you have bleeding gums — do yourself and your health a favor and get everything fixed. Bleeding gums are probably infected and sending bacteria all over the body resulting in you not feeling well or experiencing various aches and pains.
Dental work can be expensive but prioritize — taking care of your teeth is more important than spending money for an expensive antique car (and many men have more than one of them), a cruise or junket to Europe. Think about it — no woman wants to kiss a man with infected gums or unattractive smile.
4. The clueless guy who posts photos of fish he has caught, his truck, his dog, RV, pictures he has painted, food he has cooked, a group photo with his buddies in which it’s impossible to tell which one is him, and even a photo of him with his deceased wife which suggests he is not ready to move on. He posts photos of his childhood or photos of when he was young and handsome in the Army. This is not the time to post photos of the past. Unless a woman is trying to access your financial net worth, she is not going to be attracted by your 1929 Ford or the boat you rent at the marina (and say you own it). Or, he posts a photo of himself with a nice looking woman without identifying who she is. Seeing you with a woman, identified or not, is a turn-off, even if she is your sister or granddaughter. A woman doesn’t want to date your fish, RV, antique car, your relatives or buddies, your dog or your talents. She wants to date a man. Which means, post current photos that feature YOU.
To avoid disappointment, use FaceTime on your iPhone (or use Skype, or whatever you have). Before you agree to meet a woman, have a FaceTime chat! If you don’t know how to use it, become familiar with how it works early in the relationship. It can save you (and her) a lot of grief and wasted time. Women (and men) often don’t like to do FaceTime or other types of video chats because it doesn’t show them in the best light or circumstances. If a woman is a smart cookie, she will figure that out beforehand so that when she takes your prearranged FaceTime call she will present herself in the best possible light. You can and should do the same.
5. There is the 75-year-old flower child spritzed with Tabu cologne, wearing earrings, necklaces, bracelets and gold chains adorning his wrinkled, white-haired chest. (Of course, his shirt is unbuttoned down to his navel !). If he has enough hair on his head he may have it fluffed up into what he imagines looks like an afro.
6. The 85-year-old guy who posts “hilarious” photos in a clown suit or other getup to show he’s still a kid (but he can’t get around without his walker). Little is more pathetic than an old guy who embarrasses himself as he tries to be the life of the party to show he’s still got it goin’ on. He’s a reason old men are often called senile old fools.
7. The sad looking 75-year-old guy living with his partner of 30 years. They hug and kiss at bedtime but don’t have sex anymore. His alcoholic, drug dependent 40-year-old son lives with them. Pop is pissed with his partner and accuses her of enabling his son. It doesn’t occur to him that he enables his son by allowing him to live at home. Because the old guy says he is buck-naked honest about his situation, he thinks it entitles him to look for a new woman who will provide sex. The question is, if he finds a new woman, will they all live together as one big happy family?
8. Then there is Mr. (or Dr.) McDreamy who appears to be well preserved and extraordinarily handsome. He’s a widower and former executive at a major national corporation. He posts fantastic professional photos and a low key profile that women of any age would die for but he lives 1,000 miles away. Unless he is willing to send his jet to pick you up, or a first class ticket to fly you to his place, well, it’s never going to happen.
There may another side to Dr. McDreamy: A guy who will fly halfway across the country to meet a woman, or have her flown to his location may be moneyed but desperate and possibly ugly with many character flaws. He may want ( or insist) on having sex even if she doesn’t. Of course, it may be the same for a local guy who offers to take a woman to lunch at an expensive venue. As repayment for his generosity, he may want sex in his car. On the other hand, none of this scenario may be true because who would be so shallow and openly rotten? Not you, certainly!
9. Then there is the “looker” widower or burned divorced man who would like companionship but he’s not serious. He’s fresh out of a bad experience. (A “fresh experience” may have been 10 or more years ago.) For him, the perfect woman is not out there but keeps looking anyway. Yes, he sends messages that never go any place or he just looks, and looks, and looks. He’d like to meet a woman for coffee but worries it might be mistaken for a commitment and goodness, he’s not ready for that!
There are other varieties of men, but these are some examples. If you are not on the list, good for you! You are salvageable!
After you get a great photo to post, a well-written profile is essential. If you are not able to write a profile that spells out who and what you are, and what you are or are not looking for in a woman and in a relationship, then have a professional help you. Most men are able to compose their own profile (and many are fantastic) but some men are too lazy, or they think they can’t, or that just by being a male, not revealing too much about themselves or what they are looking for will attract the best looking babe on the site. Get over it and get down to business and tell your story as honestly as you can.
Many men complain that women are only looking for someone to support them. That may be true but men often are their own worst enemy. Men provide the “candy” that entices a woman looking for a man to support her. Men boast they live in the best area, own a large debt-free home, have an expensive car, and have a weekend home at the beach or cabin in the mountains. What a catch!
Men post photos of boats, airplanes and other toys they may not own that suggest the men are loaded. Men accuse women of dressing provocatively, but in their own way, men do the same thing by advertising and bloviating about their financial assets. Remember, you are looking for the last love of your life who is into YOU and is not lusting after your assets. Posting a laundry list of expensive assets is a dog whistle you may live to regret. Scammers are looking for men who are so impressed with their financial worth that they have poor judgment about what or what not to reveal on a site. They are bait waiting to be bitten!
Speaking about deception, while women tend to lie about their age, men often embellish what they do or have done for a living. A worker who repairs roads may say he’s a “construction engineer”. Or he may say he’s a “head coach” of a football team, suggesting he’s into the big league when he’s a high school coach. When a woman discovers you are not what you pretend or suggest you are, that speaks volumes about your character and honesty.
Just be honest, sincere and low key about who and what you are, what you have, and what you are looking for. A smart woman will evaluate your profile very quickly and reject you if it appears you are a blowhard or above (or below) her social, financial, or education status. If you are writing your profile yourself, watch your grammar and spelling! It not only reveals how educated or intelligent you are but shows how much or how little you care about presenting yourself in the best way possible. If you are not sure about spelling a word correctly, Google it! It matters (but perhaps is petty) to an intelligent woman if you don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”.
Appearance And Cultural Change
A common complaint women often make about older men is, “they look so old” and “they act so old”. That happens when a man becomes complacent about himself. He just doesn’t make an effort to stay “on deck” mentally and physically. He thinks he’s living the enviable good life in his do-nothing decline oriented retired lifestyle. Every old man looking for love MUST read The Power of Charm by Brian Tracy and Ron Arden. It’s short and to the point, and it’s fun. The man who reads this book and practices simple steps the authors layout will have new social skills that will enchant every woman he meets.
An older woman who remembers what men used to be like in her youth are disappointed she can’t find someone similar today. No, she’s not living in the past. “Men are no longer men” she laments, and it’s true too often. (Read Pussification: The Effeminization of the American Male by Doug Giles).They treat a woman like “one of the boys”, thinking romance is no longer necessary or they don’t remember or value the importance of sending flowers and extending other traditional social courtesies that ALL women like. Okay, many men can’t afford to send flowers — they are living only on Social Security and expect a woman to help pay dating expenses. Smart women don’t pay for anything! They generously award you the presence of their company for a few hours. So pay for that privilege and consider yourself lucky, even if you don’t like her.
The sad thing is, when a man meets a woman for that important first coffee, the woman may be wearing what appears to be her jammies, or she forgot to take curlers out of her hair. That’s okay — she thinks she will look just fine because men often show up in an old tee shirt and shorts looking like something the cat dragged in. After all, that’s how everyone dresses, isn’t it? No, smart men (and smart women) dress to impress and that’s always been true regardless of prevailing social norms. An aware man will put on a pair of big boy pants and a neat shirt or polo, or God forbid, even a suit and tie. Look like you don’t live in a dumpster! What is the significance of dressing up a notch or two above the “norm”? It means you value yourself and the person you are meeting. To put it another way, it’s classy and sexy and shows you are thoughtful.
Many men have been culturally castrated by the so-called “women’s movement” — rabid females of all ages — totally involved with their own needs and wants, rejecting traditional roles, infesting social media and TV, causing mayhem in the workplace, irately complaining about men who suffer from “toxic masculinity” or “white privilege”, meaning men still able to function as men. Yes, today’s normal working woman, regardless of why she works, wants and deserves her share of the economic pie but I’m not talking about her. Most working women are traditional women trying to make a living. But when men get enough emotional and legal abuse hurled at them by women suffering from aggressive “toxic femininity”, men become reclusive and resentful. They don’t know how to deal with a woman who is looking for a traditional man.
Undoubtedly, sexual harassment happens but charges may be frivolous and not always true. In the workplace, men have learned to either not be alone with a woman, or to pretend they don’t notice women because they don’t want to be reported for sexual harassment for casually commenting appreciatively on a woman’s appearance. Women dress to attract men and when men respond to low-cut tops and short skirts, they are shot down. That’s an example of women being deliberately abusive of men.
The bottom line is that often, many men no longer know how to socially function as men and women no longer know how or want to be traditional women and as a result, both are frustrated and unhappy. It’s a mess but most traditional women are hopeful they will find a “real” man among all the bruised male egos strewn across the landscape created by the women’s movement. For traumatized men, reading The Power of Charm can help them get back in the dating game with confidence. I can’t recommend it highly enough.
The Great Deception
Most older men look terrible with white facial hair. I know it’s in style and a personal preference but hear me out. A neat beard on a young man looks different than a beard on an old man, but old guys don’t seem to get that. Every old guy in his group is sporting a beard so he does it too, regardless of how ridiculous he looks. It does not make an old man look distinguished, but it might suggest he is pretentious. A white beard ages a man by at least 10 years and makes him look decrepit and unkempt as if he just rolled out of bed and didn’t bother to get cleaned up. While Tarzan “the ape man” had a full head of black hair, his face and body were smooth and hairless and that was his attraction. You didn’t have to wonder what he really looked like.
Here are some things about beards to think about.
1. While cosmetics women use are washed off at night, a beard is 24/7. A woman might think about a bearded man in terms of, “why is he hiding his face? Why doesn’t he want anyone to see what he really looks like?” For sure, he thinks his beard makes him look like the sexiest man alive but it may be tough for a woman to have a relationship with a man whose face she cannot see.
2. A beard may also hide who a man really is on the inside. When we are young our misdeeds and unkind thoughts are hidden behind a youthful face. As time goes on, all the thoughts we have thought and things we have done are reflected in the face and facial hair covers the image of what a man has become. How often have you seen photos in the Post Office of “America’s Most Wanted”? Photos of a man will be shown with and without a beard because a beard hides the reality of who he has become.
3. Beards are a haven for bacteria. When you see a feeble old guy with facial shrubbery you have to wonder how much-decayed leftovers from last week’s dinner (or whatever) remain fossilized deep in the nooks and crannies of the whiskers. Microbiologist John Golobic, at Quest Diagnostics, found that in a beard, some of the bacteria “are the kind of things that you find in feces.” He added, “I’m usually not surprised, and I was surprised by this.” He continued, “There would be a degree of uncleanliness that would be somewhat disturbing.”
How many men do you know who do not wash their hands after using the restroom? Then they lovingly stroke the hair on their chin with unwashed hands. The interesting thing is that many men are in love with their facial hair. They fantasize it makes them look sooooo sexy and think they couldn’t live without it. One hopes it keeps them warm at night.
A smart woman won’t ask a man to shave off his facial hair because it’s stupid to try to change anyone. His beard represents who he thinks he is. He thinks it improves his appearance and makes him more appealing. If he shaves it off, he may be ostracized by his group-oriented peers. It’s a personal grooming choice and men are entitled to choose facial hair. However, a man has to live with the consequences if he meets a woman he likes and she can’t stand a beard! All of that said, for some reason, some women like a beard. They think it makes a man look distinguished, sexy or romantic. Whatever!
We all have health issues that would not necessarily affect a relationship but If you use a cane or wheelchair to get around, or if you have a health condition that affects appearance or behavior, such as Parkinson’s, reveal it in your profile. Women may have been a caregiver in the past and would prefer not to become a caregiver again if possible. That said, at an advanced age we never know what will happen to us — and we must be willing to deal with whatever happens in a partner’s life. If you are still married and your wife has Alzheimer’s or is otherwise disabled, don’t lie or pretend she doesn’t exist! If you are still married but separated, admit it! It gives a woman who may interest you a choice about what she wants to do or not do.
If you tell a new woman that your wife died two weeks ago, that will speak volumes about your degree of sensitivity. True, you may have spent many years taking care of her and you are feeling empty, but immediately trying to jump into a new relationship reveals your level of immaturity, and it’s a red flag. Your insensitivity doesn’t leave a woman with a feel-good feeling. You may think you are ready to move on, but you need to take a breath.
One thing men and women universally complain about in online dating is the failure to acknowledge messages. A man sends a message to a woman asking about something in a woman’s profile and the reply is crickets. Or, the other way around — a woman sends a message to a man and he doesn’t respond. It’s common and maddening. We live in an uncivil society and lack of courtesy is rampant and needs to stop. If a woman writes to you — regardless of the content or tone of her message — write back!
If the woman’s photo, profile or message doesn’t appeal to you, that’s fine — just be courteous. Thank her for writing and wish her the best. She will get the message that you are not interested. She may even think you are a stud for taking time to say “thank you” for writing. Responding is not a commitment for a lifetime relationship! At least you showed you are a gentleman with a sense of civility, and that’s pretty rare and sexy!
The other thing that is exasperating is when men DO reply, it’s with just one or two words that suggest he has no command of the English language or just doesn’t care. The obvious question is, why is he on the site if he isn’t ready to properly respond to messages? In all that you do, be a confident man and let women know it!
Men complain women lie about their age. Women do lie, and men do it too. That said, age should NOT be an issue, especially later in life. Your age is just a number that tells how long you’ve been alive. It is NOT certification of your competence, health, cognition, sexiness or anything else. Even though the lifespan has increased by 30 years in the past century, and men and women are healthier and often stay attractive and viable longer, our horse and buggy culture still worships “the number” of a person as an inviolable measure of suitability for a partner.
Many men state that they are looking for a woman 10-15 or more years younger than they are. A younger woman thinks, “If a man is 75 now and I’m 60, I’ll still be young when he is old and feeble — or dead.” Or, an old guy doesn’t realize how unattractive he has become. (Remember we make a three-second decision when meeting or seeing a photo of someone!) Of course, if a woman senses she has snagged a financial winner, age difference or appearance may not matter to her. She can look forward to being a widow with a nice bank account sooner than later. The bottom line is, get over “age anxiety” because your concern about a woman’s age being more years than you would like may cause you to lose the last and possibly, the best love of your life. Remember that statistically, women live longer than men.
And then there is SEX. Hang on to your hot pants!
It has become a norm for men (and often, for women) to expect casual sex sooner than later. For many men, sex is what makes their world go round and their reason for living and they want assurance that a woman will be “on board” as early in the game as possible — like tonight. You barely know each other? So what. After all, it’s just sex. Or, is there more to sex than sex?
If a woman tells you she doesn’t want to have sex with you until you both are in love and agree to a monogamous committed relationship, celebrate it! It has nothing to do with old-fashioned, outdated virtue. She is not being a prude. She is just being smart. She may be free of infection, but how about you? It may take time for the truth to surface and when it does, it can be nasty. The number of hard-to-cure STDs is through the roof and growing, even for “old” people. Consider these headlines from news stories: “Seniors having sex leads to a spike in sexually transmitted diseases” and ” Seniors’ sex lives are up — and so are STD rates” — see these stories and more on the Internet.
Because pregnancy is no longer a concern, men don’t want to use a condom. Or, they mistakenly think a condom will prevent disease. Jumping into bed with every willing female is putting your (and her) health in jeopardy. Syphilis had been under control but is now back and raging. Gonorrhea lesions, now found in more places of the body, especially in the mouth, is becoming more resistant to antibiotics.
Recall that actor Michael Douglas admitted his reckless sexual lifestyle including oral sex was responsible for contracting what he thought was cancer in his throat. HPV infections are increasingly responsible for neck cancer in men. Men may unknowingly have HIV after having sex with random women. The woman you may think is as pure as fresh snow may be a time bomb waiting to happen to you.
Tragically, men or women, who know (or suspect) they are infected often fail to reveal it to a partner. This is not my imagination — bulletins from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control are very clear about all of this.
So pause and take a breath before you get bent out of shape if a woman says sex can wait. If you like each other and wait until you have gotten to know and trust each other and have discussed the possibility of disease and perhaps are willing to be tested, both can enter into a relationship at peace and with a clear conscience. Yes, that’s unrealistic advice considering today’s super sexualized culture, but don’t say you didn’t know about the seriousness of the situation. Thinking “It won’t happen to me” is about as stupid as it gets.
Religious and Political Preferences
This can be a biggie, but it doesn’t have to be. If religion is important to you and you meet and like someone with a different religion, each of you will have to decide if it is an issue and if it is, decide how to deal with it. Political differences are even more tricky. Some men hate Trump so much they can’t stand a woman who has a political preference different from his. Don’t argue about sex, religion or politics. Don’t try to change anyone’s thinking or behavior! If you can’t settle things amicably, move on. At this stage of life, it’s crazy to argue about things you cannot change. Let it go. Looking for love is like waiting for transportation. The next bus will be arriving shortly.
Unless you are willing to travel, and most older men are not willing (or able) to travel even short distances, don’t start a conversation with a woman who lives farther away than a distance you are willing or able to drive to. It’s not smart to develop a fantasy phone or email relationship that can’t possibly go anyplace except to Heart Break Hotel. If you still drive and are REALLY willing to drive a distance, make it known in your profile. Bottom line: don’t waste your time or a woman’s time. It’s not fair to her or to yourself.
I hope all of this has been helpful. Have a successful and safe online journey as you look for the last and possibly, the best love of your life. If you have comments, suggestions, questions or disagreements about this essay, I want to know about them! You can message me at email@example.com. Your feedback is important and appreciated and I promise absolutely and positively, that your message WILL get a reply from me! Not from an assistant, or an automated response, but from me. If your message is snotty, you will still get a nice reply because I’m a nice person!
Barbara Morris is a pharmacist and the author of The New Put Old on Hold available on Amazon. She also publishes the monthly “The Put Old on Hold Journal” and you can subscribe here. It’s free.
©Barbara Morris 2019 All rights reserved
Barbara Morris, R.Ph.
P.O. Box 937, Escondido, CA 92037
Available on Amazon