Are you old? How do you know? Our culture says you are old if you are at retirement age, which is 62-65. At that age, you MUST be old because our backward culture has decreed (and no one challenges it) that 40 is middle age.
You are old when you accept outdated stereotypical norms that refuse to die or fail to catch up with the reality that many people are living longer, healthier lives.
You are old when you adopt an insular mindset and lifestyle lived by “old” people who leave the larger world to exist in enclaves that house (or warehouse, depending on how you look at it) old and older people. The sad thing is that those who are financially able and desire to enter retirement communities at age 50 believe they can have a “fun and youthful” lifestyle with lots of community activities and amenities. In their mind, they will stay youthful and vital forever. Good luck!
Activities that challenge the brain are often missing in such a lifestyle. Playing golf, tennis, swimming, and similar physical activities are wonderful, but they don’t do much to exercise the brain robustly. To stay mentally sharp there is nothing like having a job or responsibility at any age that requires regular, rigorous thought and interaction with people of all types and ages.
If one enters a new community advertised for “those 50 and better,” chances are most residents will be about 65—the government-established retirement age. All is fun and games until community-wide “oldness” kicks in due to normal aging (whatever that is) and the cloistered lifestyle.
With everyone in the community graying and generally deteriorating to one degree or another at the same time, it has to be depressing to see the same faces and bodies every day in various stages of deterioration.
It gets to the point where the focus of neighborly discussions revolves around aches, pains, and health issues. It’s a “misery loves company” environment of concentrated mental and physical decline, with little or no evidence of energizing youth to provide balance and hope for the future. For those caught in golden ghettos, their future is now, and how depressing is that?
Their world narrows so significantly that they become protective of the sanctity of the community and what goes on in it. Neighbors with little else to do sit by a window watching residents come and go and are quick to notice and report community infractions. For example, an entrepreneurial resident may decide to have a business at home that is against community rules. An unusual number of delivery trucks or non-residents might be coming and going. When you don’t have much else to do to keep you occupied, you may appoint yourself the community watchdog to ensure life in the community abides by the rules.
The culprit in all of this is that the commonly accepted notion of “old” refuses to die, but it should and can.
In her book, Don’t Stop the Career Clock, Dr. Helen Harkness explains that we need some kind of aging chronology. The year of copyright for her book is 1999. The following is her “live long, die fast” contemporary model for aging:
Young adulthood: 20-40
First midlife: 40-60
Second midlife: 60-80
Young-old: 80-90
Elderly: 90 and above
Old-old: 2-3 years to live
Dr. Harkness was a personal friend and as feisty as can be. Her aging model is spot on, but it is now a tad dated. Data Brief No. 233, January 2016, issued by the Centers for Disease Control, reveals that between 2000 and 2014, the number of healthy Americans aged 100 and over increased by 43.6 percent. That’s huge! That also means the culturally accepted definition of “old” is neither static nor realistic. It can be changed or modified.
Looking for love in old age?
What? You are old and looking for love? Shame on you. Sex and romance are only for young people! That’s a myth that doesn’t want to die. People in all “shades of oldness” need and want love and connection as much as younger people—perhaps even more.
Long-retired widowers often have a tough time dealing with advanced age, especially when they are looking for love. They need and want just as much love and connection as younger people, but they have a lot to overcome:
Brain chemistry changes
Physiological changes
Lifestyle-induced decline that happens rapidly, insidiously
Loss of social awareness
Loss of boundary awareness
Unaware of subtle but peculiar behaviors
Loss of concern for personal cleanliness
Unaware of physical unattractiveness
For decades, men lived with a woman they probably took for granted; they had sex once in a while — if at all, and didn’t do anything to stay mentally, physically, or sexually attractive. (not that the wife did, either). The truth is, they both took each other for granted. When a woman loses her husband, assuming she still has a young-ish persona and pays minimal attention to her appearance and social skills, she can quickly return to the dating game.
Generally, it’s not so easy for a man. He has long forgotten how to attract and interact with a new, probably younger, more contemporary woman than the woman he had lived with for many years. A man who has not aged well, be it the result of faulty genes, not taking care of himself, or having forgotten how to interact with a new, probably younger woman, may have difficulty finding love. And, this is a big AND — a woman doesn’t want to be a nurse — or a purse. She’s caring, but she’s done caring for sick and needy children — or adults.
For some unfathomable reason, many older men seem to think they should join the young men’s trend to have facial hair. The typical “old man mustache” is a tipoff that a man is old. Then, there is the god-awful old/older man with a face full of shaggy white whiskers. He doesn’t look sexy; he looks 20 years older than he is, and truthfully, he looks decrepit. And if he’s not as meticulous as he could be, his beard may be infested with food remnants and other remains which scientific testing has discovered may be rife with fecal bacteria ( See Bearded Men Have Poop on Their Faces)
Unfortunately, old people often don’t realize that just because young people successfully adopt a particular look or fashion, it will look good on an old/older person. That means no tight jeans with an exploding muffin top on grandma, and no Santa Claus beard or man bun on grandpa.
Add to the picture the reality that mentally, he’s not as sharp as he used to be; in his mind, he still fancies himself an attractive stud any woman would desire. If you want to see something pathetic, watch an old guy at McDonald’s ordering senior coffee and flirting with a female teenage order taker who tolerates him with a giggle and a smile because she probably feels sorry for him.
At an advanced chronological age, life can be challenging for both genders (yes, there are only TWO genders). You can mutilate genitals and cut off a girl’s breasts, but you can’t change the chromosomes with which we are born.
The reality is that if an effort is made early in life to preserve many of the gifts given to us by youth, and especially by God, and if we are courageous enough to THINK FOR OURSELVES, we have it made!
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