If you don’t watch TLC (The Learning Chanel) on TV, you probably are unaware of Jenny and Sumit, so let me fill you in.
Jenny, 63, is from Palm Springs, CA. Sumit, 33, is from India. They are on a TLC show called “90 Day Fiancé” that highlights romances and marriages between foreign and USA citizens. Jenny and Sumit met online, where initially, Sumit used an “Americanized” name to attract her. That was the first of many lies he told in pursuit of Jenny. To advance their relationship, Jenny moved to India and readily accepted living with cows and other animals in the streets and subpar living conditions in the home.
After several years of trials and tribulations with his mother, Jenny and Sumit married even after Sumit’s mother disowned him. More than anything else in the world, Sumit is dedicated to winning back the acceptance of his mother. But that miracle will probably not happen Jenny understands that, and apparently, she is okay with it.
Fast forward: Jenny and Sumit are on their honeymoon, and this is where the age difference comes into play. At 63, Jenny is mentally old and settled. Before the marriage, Jenny and Sumit were so busy trying to gain Mama’s acceptance that everything else took a back seat. Jenny and Sumit never talked about expectations for their future. Now the married couple is beginning to see the light and don’t like what they see.
On their honeymoon, Sumit tells Jenny all the exciting things he would like to do: Bungee jumping, zip lining, river rafting — activities that young people typically like to do. Jenny is horrified. All of that stuff is not for her, she argued. No! No! No! (To her credit, she reluctantly tried zip lining.) After all, she’s 63 and wants to live to 64! She said she worked hard all her life and earned her retirement; all she expects Sumit to do is live the typical American decline-oriented retirement lifestyle with her.
However, Sumit wants to work and has a job lined up with a friend who has a food business. No, no! Jenny explains she will be getting retirement benefits from her job, and she will collect her Social Security so he won’t have to work. They will be free to enjoy each other.
But wait! There is more! Sumit reveals to Jenny that he wants them to enroll in a class to learn Karma Sutra’s benefits to enhance their sex life. No! No! No! Jenny says she knows everything there is to know about sex.
So far in their marriage, Sumit has heard a lot of “No.”
My friend, Zenobia Silas Carson, explains “why”: “The biggest reason is that everyone has been brainwashed and force-fed the aging story. So when we became seniors, we clicked into place like puzzle pieces and began doddering, telling old folks jokes, laughing at old folks jokes, celebrating our forgetfulness as a badge of honor, and reminding the world that we are seniors. As in, “I get a discount on this donut because I am old” Most times, I forget that I have those so-called little perks because I have money to pay for the donut and do not need to call attention to the aging that I claim to want people not to emphasize. Does that make sense?”
The pull of anticipated retirement benefits for most people is so strong that they happily enter retirement without questioning any part of it. When Jenny retired, I wonder if she ever thought about her life down the road. At 63, she may have another 30 years of life left. If she is unwilling to participate in new adventures at her current age, life in the coming years will be bleak. Sumit may wake up and realize that he married an old woman who refuses to learn or cannot learn anything new.
I feel sorry for Jenny and Sumit. Neither one thought about their future together, and already, they are paying the price. Let’s face it — Jenny is old by choice. She bought into the empty retirement promise of a good life and nothing else. The problem is not her chronological age because that “number” is merely a measure of time. The only power it has is what we give to it, and we provide it with plenty of power by how we think, live, and what we believe.
Jenny wants to take Sumit to America to show the kind of life she had been living. Nope! Not a chance. He never wants to leave India lest he forever loses the possibility of rekindling his relationship with his mother. Sumit continues to be committed to reconciliation with his mother above all else.
After the honeymoon ended, we learn that Summit really has a spine becuse he suddenly started “laying down the law” to Jenny. He revealed he was dismayed by Jenny’s untidy housekeeping. — things unorganized all over the place. If his mother saw that, it would not please Mama. Sumit made it clear he expected Jenny to become a typical Indian housewife, and Jenny, an independent American woman, looked at him like he was crazy. She wasn’t having it!
Here’s the bottom line: Jenny is old at 63, not because of time or appearance, but by choice. She drank the retirement Kool-Aid that started the ususal downward decline that most people in later years don’t like but accept as inevitable. Sumit, 33, will always be an immature Mama’s boy even if his mother accepts Jenny. It’s Indian custom for men to be tied to their mother’s apron strings — forever.
A 30-year age difference is significant and can be fraught with problems unless both parties are mature and fully understand there is a future to think about and actively plan for.
Belatedly, Jenny realizes she has a young husband and understands she has to be more accepting of the “young” activities that Sumit enjoys. When you are 63 and have been living a typical retired life, and suddenly, you are in a situation that requires more youthful participation than you expected, that’s a real challenge for a 63 year-old mind and body in the process of decline.
So, what is the prognosis for the success of their marriage? Unless Jenny can and will open up to accept new ideas and adventures and becomes a typical Indian-type housewife, and Sumit accepts his mother’s rejection of Jenny, I give their marriage zero chance of success. I think that’s being generous.
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