Is it just me? Is anyone else tired of being interrupted with a demanding “excuse me” at the most inappropriate time? It doesn’t matter what you are doing – whether on the phone, in a personal conversation, or concentrating on your work — some inconsiderate klutz who can’t wait until you finish what you are doing will butt in with “excuse me” and woe be unto you if you ignore the intruder or take offense at the interruption.
The words “excuse me” are now the politically correct and socially acceptable means to engage in a feigned civility that used to be called plain old-fashioned rudeness.
I recall an incident at the pharmacy in which I was working. I was on the phone taking a prescription order from a doctor. As he was giving lengthy, somewhat complicated instructions for the label, I heard a Voice at the counter.
“Excuse me?” said the Voice. It had a demanding edge, but that’s okay. After all, the Voice did utter the words “excuse me.”
Choosing to stay focused on what the doctor was saying, I ignored the Voice—but not for long. Two seconds later, I heard it again.
“Ex-cuse me?” the Voice persisted, louder and more strident. But again, that’s okay. After all, the Voice did intone the sacred words “excuse me.”
Trying to listen to the doctor and hush the Voice at the same time, I smiled, made eye contact with the Voice, and raised my hand to indicate he had been heard. That was a mistake because the Voice took it as a signal to be even more aggressive.
” EX-CUSE ME,” persisted the agitated Voice. “I just want to know where you keep your condoms,” I asked the doctor I was speaking with if he would excuse me for a moment. I then placed my hand over the mouthpiece and said to the Voice, “Excuse me, I’m on the phone. I’ll help you as soon as I can.” I then took the phone to a corner to conclude my conversation with the doctor.
The Voice remained stationed at the counter. After ending my phone conversation, I approached the Voice at the counter. He blurted out, “Lady, you are a bitch. All I want to know is where you keep your condoms.” The tone was as demanding as a holdup in progress, like “give me all your cocaine, or I’ll shoot.” I’d say this was not okay behavior on his part, because he did not preface his uncouth remark with “excuse me.” (Do you think I was right about that? Yes? Thank you.)
“Excuse me?” I said calmly, “condoms are in a locked case on aisle five. (Yes, in the “olden days” they were kept locked up) I’ll be happy to call for a key.” Which I did – promptly. I announced over the loudspeaker, “We need a key for the condom case on aisle five, customer waiting.” The keeper of the key, the store manager, was slow to arrive, so I called again.
“Customer waiting for condoms!”
The Voice snarled, “You’re rude. You are trying to embarrass me. I’m going to report you to the manager.”
“Excuse me,” I replied, “He has the key, so when he gets here, you can report me.” Two minutes later, the manager appeared.
The Voice chewed out the manager for making him wait and complained about my demeanor. After the Voice left with this treasure from our very own Fort Knox on aisle five, the manager called me aside.
“Excuse me, Dr. Barbara, the customer said you were nasty. What’s going on?”
“Excuse me, he didn’t say I was nasty — just rude.”
“So why were you rude?”
“Excuse me, I wasn’t rude.”
“Excuse me, Madam Pharmacist, the manager curtly countered, you must have been rude, or he wouldn’t have complained.” (The customer is never wrong.) After a little more no-win repartee, the manager left shaking his head.
The title of a play I had seen many years ago suddenly popped into my head: “Stop the World I Want to Get Off.” I thought about how to stop the world long enough to jettison the manager, the Voice, and the locked box of condoms on aisle five into outer space. Dealing with demanding customers is not easy. You have to learn the hard way – with a non-stop smile and never-ending patience and always knowing where the condoms are.
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