Stop Giving Away Your Personal Power Through Blaming and Complaining

Joyce Shafer

Joyce Shafer

When you blame others or events for how you feel, you give your power to them. You’re saying they control your thoughts, emotions, and subsequent words and actions. How’s that worked for you so far? 

It was a combination of things: too many days that were too active, various more-than-usual stresses each day, and a need for rest and sleep that led to my being more easily annoyed than I anticipated or appreciated. The more tired, exhausted, or overwhelmed we are, the easier it is to fall into this mode. The next thing I knew, I was off balance. I kept replaying the moments and conversations that had annoyed me over and over in my mind, and that annoyed me, too. 

That’s a vortex that a number of us tend to go into, or can, when we need to look out for our best interests or take better care of ourselves on all levels. Something I know but temporarily forget (especially when I’m annoyed) is that, yes, a person or an event may trigger me, but after that initial trigger, everything I think, feel, say, and do is mine and only mine. I’m responsible for it, no one else. 

There’s a positive aspect to this, though: It brought several things to my attention. For one, complaining and blaming absolutely does lead us to feel as though our personal power has diminished in some way; only, it isn’t anything or anyone external to us who diminishes our power—only we can do that, because our personal power is within every visible and non-visible atom of our being. (Actually, our personal power never diminishes. We can only convince ourselves to believe that it does.) Feeling disempowered adds even more bad feelings into the mix. We can usually directly address what or who has triggered us, and hopefully do so in a constructive, productive manner. However, it also feels bad when, for whatever reason, we don’t address issues in this manner and instead let our annoyance fester inside us. 

There will always be situations we can’t control, but we can always control how we manage ourselves through and beyond them. There will always be people who, even after we speak with them, won’t alter their behaviors, but we can manage how we engage with them, as well as what we take on of theirs as ours. We can always find a way to restore belief in our personal power. A sure way to start on this path is to stop blaming and complaining. But that feels hard to do at times. So, what can we do to put our mental feet on this path? 

Get off the topic. Seriously. When your thoughts of annoyance continue to loop through your mind, do something that requires your complete focus so you get your mind off topic like read or watch a movie. Do anything that holds your attention fully for an extended period of time. This isn’t avoidance; this is a way to start to rebalance your energy and perspective. 

Let’s face it. If something gets addressed or even resolved, but not in the way you prefer, or if you aren’t able to resolve it and you now have to deal with how you feel about that, you want to re-energize your personal power as quickly and easily as you can. Putting your focus elsewhere can help you do that for a while. Get off topic until you can approach whatever or whoever it is that has upset you, with less emotional charge. You will not be constructive or productive if you’re an emotional mess. You’ll also attract more of the same experiences and become even more of a mess. Then, not only will you be upset about the original matter but also with yourself, even if your ego-aspect insists you blame someone or something else for how you feel, other than your personal perspective and choices. 

Here’s something to keep in mind: The Universe cannot yield to you anything different than what you feel about yourself. Abraham-Hicks said that, and it makes sense. If you’re inclined to argue with this, pause and consider your life experiences and the basic tone or theme of them. This is also why you want to do whatever it takes to restore your awareness of your personal power: to shift the tone or theme your life has taken on as a result of being out of balance emotionally. In balance and in personal power is what you want your frequency, your transmitted attracting vibration, to be. 

Another powerful statement Abraham-Hicks suggested we make whenever anything negative or even positive happens is this: My point of attraction equals that. When anything positive or negative happens, pause and make that statement and see the truth of it. If you don’t like your point of attraction, shift it. Complaining or blaming won’t do that for you. In fact, you can even back up a bit and consider whether you were blaming or complaining before the latest event happened. 

That’s what happened with me. And it’s a cause-and-effect pattern I’m well aware of after all these years, and I still sabotage myself with it from time to time. It’s as though there’s a realistic spiritual limit to how much, for how long, and in what manner we are able to vent before that “glass” fills and spills over into blame and complain and creates a mess in our attraction energy fields. At least, that’s been my experience. Once I remembered this, I was annoyed with myself about this as well, but then let that go and replaced it with appreciation that apparently (or so I prefer to believe) this was a path I needed to travel in order to re-mind myself of this Truth. Yet again. 

When we allow our mind and emotions to become scrambled by annoyances, we become servants, so to speak, of the annoyance energies and of whomever or whatever we blame for “causing” us to feel them. We mentally and emotionally disconnect from our higher selves and our personal power during such times, and this is why perceived disempowerment feels so bad. We feel alone and fragile. We feel in mental and emotional pain, weak rather than strong, ineffectual rather than creative and innovative. 

The way to shift this is to remember we are more, that we are always more than how we appear to ourselves, and others, in any given moment that we feel disempowered. We can reclaim our personal power the instant we cease to feel, think, say, or do anything that is opposite of personal power. We might even follow the “Ask and it is given” philosophy with this statement: Let there be Light here. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.     


Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer 

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it. 

Joyce Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She’s author of “I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, But I Have Something to Say” and other books/ebooks, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles and free downloads. See all that’s offered by Joyce and on her site at



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