Science Says Men Are Idiots – Who Knew?

Barbara Morris

Barbara Morris

Ah, science. I love it.

The weather in some parts of the country has become unusually cold from early fall to late spring, with unprecedented snow and ice storms that keep thermometers stuck below zero. Some climate scientists insist the frigid weather is indicative of global warming and it’s going to kill not only the polar bears but humanity as well. Brrrr.

Which makes me wonder: Should scientists be believed when they opine about anything?

For example, some scientists claim men are idiots. Not maybe, not possibly, but for sure. Here is the scientific evidence: Study supports the theory that men are idiots

I don’t know about you but right about now I am ready to hoist my “Men Are NOT Idiots” sign and organize a protest to make my outrage known. Frankly, I am horrified by such a dreadful, hurtful, sexist claim. I don’t care how scientific it is, I think it’s unfair to label ALL men idiots. (I’ll stop sobbing in a minute. I just have to wipe my eyes and blow my nose. Don’t go away.)

I feel better now and I’m thinking more clearly so let’s have some reality here. If men are idiots it’s because women allow or cause them to behave like idiots. I refuse to believe it’s just testosterone overload that is responsible for episodes of male idiocy. (Girlfriends, don’t hate on me for this allegation — hear me out.)

Here are three pieces of evidence to support my contention that women can be bigger idiots than men:

1. Women put up with beards, which are in effect, a male burka. How can you read a man’s face when it’s indistinguishable from the mug of the hairy gorilla in the “Gorilla Glue” commercial? (No offense to gorillas intended – I don’t want a posse of PETA people pursuing me.) Look, a woman can’t get a driver’s license with a scarf covering her face yet bearded guys looking like grizzly rejects from the stone age are readily given a license without any fuss. I don’t see women protesting the unfairness of that — clear evidence women can be bigger idiots than men.

Then there is the hygiene issue. Aside from looking dirty, beards are a health hazard, harboring all kinds of nasty germs and remnants of the secret sauce from last week’s (maybe even last year’s) Big Mac. Yeah, yeah, I know — not all men are slobs but give a man a beard and you give him a license to be a moving mass of contagion. If women demanded that guys cleaned up, men would behave and look less like idiots.

2. An alarming number of women think money can prove and or buy love and loyalty. I offer as evidence the number of cases that come before Judge Judy — stupid women who “loaned” money to idiots and are trying to get their “investment” back. The guys unabashedly insist the money is a “gift.” (More than a few of the giftees are bearded and wear earrings. Not only are they idiots, apparently they are gender conflicted as well.)

3. Women are such idiots they even pay “their share” on a “date”! Outrageous! Girlfriends, listen to the voice of experience! If a guy wants to be in your delightful company he should consider himself lucky to be in your presence and be willing to pay for the privilege, not with a couple of smoothie drinks from the local organic food truck but with flowers and a first class dinner complete with the best wine. If he is worth the effort, you can provide some scintillating conversation. He will never know what hit him.

The bottom line is that men may be idiots but women can be bigger idiots because women are smarter than men but don’t always know how to use those smarts. (Alas – most men don’t know how to use the paltry amount of smarts they do have.) Women give up their power hoping to be loved but wind up being used by whatever needy bearded creature happens along and is willing to move in with them to “share expenses”. An expense a woman often incurs as part of an arrangement with an idiot to “share expenses” is bailing him out of jail which he considers a gift.

Men are idiots? Let’s think about this. Men may be opportunists, but idiots — not so much. So called “women’s liberation” has paid off for men in ways too numerous to mention and they are taking full advantage of the benefits. They would be idiots not to.

Certainly, I could be wrong about all of this, but probably not because I know everything and I am always right about everything. The last time I was wrong we had an earthquake here in California, and that’s been a while ago so I guess it confirms that I have been right about everything ever since. That’s not scientific of course, but who cares what science says, anyway.


  1. Dear Barbara,

    The Pleasure of Her Company

    I love to have conversations – either written or spoken – with people who continue a conversation with the phrase, “With all due respect … ” and then proceed to totally misunderstand, misinterpret or completely disrespect whatever it was that I just said.

    Let me tell you about a “date from Hell” that I once had. I must preference my remarks with the comment that I have a documented intelligence that is above average plus a considerable degree of human interaction and conversational experience based on numerous years of managing small to medium-sized businesses which required hiring, managing and evaluating employees of both sexes as well as of all races and creeds. In addition, although I surely have my faults, I am a nice guy.

    So about that date from Hell –

    After several years of being divorced from my first wife of 25 years, I had been in the dating pool looking for an appropriate life companion. I emphasize “life companion” so that you do not think or suspect that I was what many women instantly and unfairly judge the average man to be – a guy looking for a quick “roll in the hay” or a one-night stand.

    I do not remember how I came to have made my initial contact with this particular person but I assure you, it was not in a bar. We had several phone calls back and forth and it turned out that this woman was from Alaska, had taught school up there, was an experienced outdoorswoman who claimed she knew how to shoot elk and survive in the wilderness, had even run a dog sled at one time, flew an airplane, etc, etc, etc. I thought, “Wow! What an interesting person. Here is someone I’d like to know.”

    After some time, it came about that she was planning to travel to Southern California and we made plans to meet. She would be staying at a fairly exclusive hotel in the Newport Beach area and we arranged for me to pick her up there and go out to lunch in a very nice restaurant I knew in nearby Laguna Beach – a well-known and pretty Southern California resort town.

    I arrived on time and called her room from the lobby. She invited me to come up to her room, which I did. When I got there, the door was wide open but still, I knocked anyway. A somewhat distant voice said, “Come in.” When I opened the door all the way, I saw a woman’s figure standing on the balcony facing away from me. Strange, I thought. I hesitantly asked, “Marge?” (or whatever her name was) and she slowly turned and answered with, “Paul?” (Remember, I had just called her from the lobby. Who else did she expect it to be?)

    The date went downhill from there. She was far older than she had told me, was not very nicely dressed and she was a poor conversationalist. (What happened to the person I had been talking too over the phone? Had it not been her at all?) We spoke very little on the way to the restaurant and when we got there it was nothing but complaints about the table, the service, the food, the noise, the this, the that, yada, yada, yada. When lunch was finally over I drove her back to her hotel – again in silence – and was never so happy for a date to be over.

    This was quite a few years ago but as I remember it, the brunch cost about $57.80.

    But it was worth it because I got to enjoy “the pleasure of her company.”

    (Keep on reading this dialogue and I’ll tell you about some dates that I have had where both of us enjoyed the pleasure of each other’s company.)

  2. Mr. Burri,

    I have given considerable thought to your petulant complaint and must conclude (with all due respect) that there is an element of truth in the scientific finding that men are idiots. I suspect that while your awareness of female pulchritude may be laser sharp, you are not a good judge of, or do not understand the female psyche. Women are not as complex as myth would have it. They just want to love and be loved and if a man is wise enough to understand that, and cater to that need, his happiness will surpass all understanding.

    Regarding a “date from hell”. Before a man asks a woman for a date common sense says he ought to have a pretty good idea of what the she is all about. Savvy men don’t ask a woman for a date until they have had at least a “get to know you” conversation that will always reveal undesirable traits to a perceptive person. Men who end up with a “date from hell” are receiving payback for being so focused on a woman’s external attributes that they totally overlook nuances of dubious character or odd behavior. Women who are bitchy, whiney, ungrateful, thoughtless creatures ALWAYS display tell tale signs early on and if a man is not discerning enough to see the signs, he needs to hone that skill. It’s not difficult. It takes listening and paying attention to what matters.

    That said, a deceptively pleasant man can be a “date from hell” as well, and it’s difficult to spot such an idiot because he can be such a charming liar. A woman in her right mind does not waste an evening complaining and nit picking unless she, too, is stuck with a “date from hell”. It works both ways.

    For all their seeming shortcomings, women are God’s perfect creatures. You can’t put a price on perfection — or their company. Understanding that truth is the key to a man’s happiness — on a date or a marriage. I know that for a fact because I am one of God’s perfect gifts. So I stand by my assertion that women SHOULD NOT (repeat – SHOULD NOT) pay “their share” on a date. The pleasure of their company is priceless.

    Barbara Morris

  3. Paul Burri says

    Who Pays for Dinner?

    I was interested to recently come across a blog article where the question was, “Who should pay for dinner when a man and a woman go out on a date?” The answer was that the man should always pay as the – “for the privilege of the woman’s company.” This is one of those “old wives tales” that I have heard over and over when I was in the dating game – as we called it then. But even back then (about 30 years ago) I always objected to that notion – even while I continued to pick up the tab almost every time I took a woman out to dinner. My objection? Simple – what about the value or the privilege of my company? Shouldn’t the woman also be responsible for paying if I was polite, well-dressed, closely shaved and my company was interesting, humorous, creative or even occasionally scintillating?

    Then too, there is the question of who should be responsible for rating the value of the woman’s company? Since the man was paying, shouldn’t he be the one to put the value on the so-called privilege he was paying for? What if the woman was just plain poor company? Should he pay for that privilege? Perhaps there should be a rating system that kicked in at the end of the dinner. “I give you a 75% rating for this evening, therefore your share of the bill is – let’s see, 25% of $78.93 comes to …” Or if she was plain lousy company, should she pay for the whole thing? (Not to mention the gas to get them to and from the restaurant.)

    Women that I have known think they have a 100% ownership of their share of “dates from Hell.” Well let me correct them of that notion. I have had a few too many of those myself back in my dating days.

    How about the woman who complained that I was five minutes late (or was it five minutes early?), the restaurant was too noisy, the decor was not up to her standards, the service was slow and the food wasn’t as well prepared as she expected? She did nothing but complain from the time I picked her up until the time I very happily dropped her back home again – glad to have had the “privilege” of her company.

    I have always wondered if she wondered why I never called her again.

  4. I agree with your premise, but why oh why do women let us be soooo stoopid ūüôā

    • Um…was this “study” published on April 1? Personally, I think it’s like the sign in the bar in New Madrid, NM…”This town cannot afford a village idiot, so we take turns.”

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